Sunday, October 11, 2009

The future is near.. and it better be bizarre.

Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I love anything that makes me (or anyone else) look more alien. I could settle for futuristic but alien is much more cutting edge. So, to celebrate my future with my new blog, I thought it was a good time to take a look at what the future should look like. Naturally, I want the future to be as alienistic as possible so I've found a few items that will help us integrate this into our everyday lives.

These glasses are definitely the way to go and the best chance for us to see a 1980's version of the 20teens come to life. Geordi La Forge would be so jealous. Not only could Levar Burton actually see out of these shades but they probably wouldn't need to be screwed onto his head. No pain, no gain... well that doesn't really apply here so more on that in a minute. Anyway, I really hope these glasses will replace the disgusting trend that started with someone that will best go unnamed but ended up with people wearing window fixtures in front of their eyes. I like to think of him like Beetlejuice. If you say his name too many times, he just might make an unwelcomed appearance and then we'll all be feeding his ego for days around the water cooler. No thank you. Glasses need to block things out, not invite them in.

Ok, here it is. Lots of pain and everything to gain. These are Alexander Mcqueen's shoes that would most likely cause some kind of hemorrhage either from merely looking at them or from the inevitable falling and ankle twisting that would ensue. While I wouldn't be the one wearing them, these look about as alien as you can get from a pair of shoes and I endorse that whole-heartedly. Ten inches of weird egg shaped bliss. And in case you don't believe that it can be done, check them out in action. You see, these girls may look terrified and hungry, but that has nothing to do with the hoof-like claws attached to their feet. As long as you pre-plan your path down a perfectly smooth surface and give yourself plenty of time to make sharp turns, I'm sure you would be just fine. Convinced?

This concept car looks futuristic and it is very small. I admit that stepping foot into one of these would be like volunteering to be the egg in an egg race, you're pretty much guaranteed to die instantly. But it looks really cool and sometimes.. ok, all the time, that's all that matters. It also seems to have the same aero-dynamic design as the stereotypical alien head. Smart. Very smart.

Now all of this is nice and fine but in order for the future to become all that it possibly has the potential to be, there are a few things that we will need to see less of. Those include but are not limited to Russell Brand.. hosting anything ever again, Kanye West saying anything, Jon Gosselin breathing air, and ofcourse, Madonna during her slow transformation from cougar to velociraptor. It would almost seem as though we've lost two pop icons this year. I also don't want to see any more 'reality' shows about 'love' or training scum to simply be bottom feeders. Got that, MTV?

I do, however, want to see more of this fool in the year to come. Very alien, very impressive.

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